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Chapter 49: How To Deal With The World (3)

“What do you mean? He is light?”

I wasn’t really good at reading lizardfolk’s faces, but the wizard was very transparent right now. She was touched—I could see dewy tears in her reptile eyes.

“I told you... He’s... He’s just light....” The lizardfolk wizard was on the verge of tears. “Can’t you tell how sparkling his soul is...?”

“I-I can’t.”

“Why not? Are your eyes the problem? Or is it your brain...?”

The lizardfolk wizard’s sudden doubt made the paladin leader’s expression sour.

“I don’t really get what you mean when you say he’s light.”

The lizardfolk wizard quickly turned to him, sobbing. “Ahhh... You people from the temple are such idiots...!”

“W-what?”

“He’s light! Just light! Why can’t you see that? Do you not have eyes? Or is your brain missing? It isn’t just white light! It’s whhhhhiiiiiite light!”

“I-isn’t light supposed to be white?”

“This is why I—! I can’t have a proper conversation with you humans!” The lizardfolk wizard pounded her chest in annoyance. She looked like she was one wrong move away from pounding on someone’s head instead. The paladin was smart enough to shut his mouth and never opened it again.

“A person with a soul like that wouldn’t lie to us!” the wizard insisted, her voice choked with emotion. “Even if he’s lying, it’s for our own good! Foolish humans, when your souls are as corrupt as yours, the wisest thing you can do is to quietly obey him. I’m certain that he’s the Great First Emperor’s herald—no, the goddess’s apostle!”

The lizardfolk wizard looked at me, seeking my agreement. Actually, it wasn’t just the wizard; the entire army in the acacia forest was looking at me with bated breath.

I held my chin up and put on my most solemn look with my arms crossed. “Yes, I am the goddess’s apostle.”

“I knew it!” The lizardfolk wizard clenched her fists.

The soldiers talked among themselves. When they had first seen the holy protector sword, most of the soldiers had been doubtful, but there was a flicker of faith in their eyes now.

“He’s light.”

“What is light?”

“Something glowed, and his sword was all sparkly...”

“I heard the sword was used by an emperor of Aegim or something. “

“Then he must be very noble.”

Sarbas Aegim, the imperial general, and a wizard from the Mermaid Waterfall vouched for me. It was said that even when there wasn’t a tiger, it sounded believable if three people said it was there.[1] Still, I needed one more person to pull it off.

“No! I still don’t get it!” the paladin leader interrupted. “Let’s say he is ‘light’ and the Great First Emperor’s herald! But why would he come here and stop us? Have you all forgotten about our mission? We need to burn that place!”

The paladin pointed his finger behind me at Estelle’s home village—Preta’s paradise.

“The witch wasn’t His Holiness’s only concern. The heretics that followed the witch can’t avoid divine punishment too! If you’re... truly the goddess’s apostle, you should take charge of their penance!” The paladin’s eyes bored into me.

Preta clutched my sleeve. Even without turning to look, I could easily tell that she was paralyzed by fear.

It’s okay. The best lie is made from ninety percent truth and ten percent lie!

My arms were still leisurely crossed. Remembering the Guardian’s advice, I slowly opened my mouth.

“Watch your mouth, paladin. How divine punishment should be meted out against wicked wrongdoers is not for you to decide. That responsibility lies solely in my jurisdiction.”

“What...?”

“I have already collected all the evil from the village and carried out the goddess’s punishment,” I quietly said. “My mission is to deliver divine retribution to the mortal world.”

“M-mission...?”

“Let me show you.” I raised my right hand and my shadow swept over the acacia forest.

When skeletons crawled out from my shadow, the soldiers screamed and the paladin went pale. The other leaders nervously pulled out their weapons. However, the number of skeletons rapidly increased from a few dozen to many hundred. Out of the blue, over four thousand monsters had surrounded the army. On top of that, they emerged from under the ground, like the gates of hell had opened.

It was my Monster Legion Reincarnation, the revival of my over four thousand skeletons.

The monsters howled. As indicated by Preta’s presence, Monster Legion Reincarnation was active. I could summon my monsters at any time, but it would look different to the army since they didn’t know what was going on.

“Th-those are demons!”

“S-sir.” The paladin leader shivered. “What abominations are those...?”

“They’re part of my mission.” I put my hand on Preta’s head. She flinched, but didn’t say anything. “You see, the witch isn’t the only wicked human in this big world. Look at them. Every one of them is as evil as her, but I took all of them into my embrace.”

“A-all of them...?” the paladin blankly repeated.

“Indeed.” I peered into the sky like a hero with a tragic destiny. “The world is overflowing with evil, so the goddess has ordered me to subjugate them on her behalf! Subjugate and shepherd them! That is why she gave me this ability.”

My solemn act was flawless.

“My mission is to subjugate and trap all evil in my hell. That is what you are looking at right now.”

“Oh my goddess...” Tears flowed out of the lizardfolk wizard’s eyes again. “All these people are as evil as the witch...?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“W-we didn’t know...and yet you’ve been fighting all the evil in this world on your own...?”

“That is correct.”

“Oh... No one knew of your toil... And so many—so how could you have done this on your own...? I know you’re the apostle of the goddess, but you’re still human. Are you okay...?”

“This is my mission!” I nodded again, my arms still crossed. The look on my face was as serious as stone. “You don’t need to punish the witch or her underlings again; I have already incarcerated them in the prison of my shadow. They shall remain trapped and suffer for eternity. I am their hell!”

“Ahhh... Light...!” The lizardfolk wizard’s legs gave out. “I’m a fool, but I finally understand why your soul shines with such brilliance! You have been saving the continent all along, we just weren’t aware of it!”

I nodded again. “That is so true!”

The best lie was made from ninety percent truth and ten percent lie. Everything else might be a lie, but the conclusion of this conversation was true. Wasn’t that all that mattered?

—You little shit... I have nothing more to teach you! You’ve outdone me! The Guardian looked proud of me.

What are you talking about? All of this was only possible because of your advice. I still have a lot to learn from you.

—No, Zombie. You’re already way more fucked up than me... Compared to you, your teacher is as innocent as a child and he can’t deal with a son of a bitch like you... The Guardian pretended to wipe away tears.

You’re too humble. All of this is nothing compared to you.

—It’s more than possible for the student to become the master.

Haven’t you heard the saying that no student is better than their teacher?

The student and teacher praising each other was a beautiful sight in a world where most human interactions were harsh and calculated.

“...Anyhow.” I withdrew my monsters.

Before the army’s astonished eyes, over four thousand skeletons slipped beneath the shadows like a sinking ship.

“You don’t have to worry about the witch and her underlings any longer. As long as I’m here, they shall suffer in my prison. This is the goddess’s divine ordained punishment.”

The paladin hesitated.

“Don’t tell me you refuse to follow the goddess’ divine will.”

“B-but... sir,” he nervously ventured, “are we really safe from those horrible demons? I mean... if these demons were to break out, the damage would be catastrophic...”

“I see,” I slowly replied. “You want to see if I really have the demons under control.”

“I-I’m sorry, but I am...”

“Okay.” I flicked my finger.

One of the skeletons who had yet to disappear approached me and stood between me and the paladin leader.

He instinctively took a couple of steps backward in surprise. “S-sir, why would you bring this skeleton over here...?”

“Let me clear your mind of doubts.” I tapped on the skeleton’s shoulder. “Monster, regain your memory.”

Wastewater surged from the skeleton’s shadow, crawling over its bones and giving it a new form. The skeleton grew muscles and flesh, and what was left of the sludge turned into clothes. In the blink of an eye, a handsome man was standing where a skeleton had been.

“Arghhh! W-what the fuck!”

It was a handsome man with a potty mouth.

“What...? Ugh. Hey, you son of a bitch! Why in the fuck’s name would you make me into this mess! What the hell did I do!?”

His eyes were blazing with fury. Yes, I had returned the memory of Yoo Soo-Ha, the Fire Emperor, to the skeleton.

“You crazy motherfucker, I’ll kill you! How dare an asshat like you do this to me! I’ll fucking kill you!”

“As you can see, this man’s evil can match the witch’s.” I grabbed Yoo Soo-Ha’s shoulder and turned to speak to the leaders. Yoo Soo-Ha tried to break free, but it was no use; it was impossible to defy me, his master.

I smiled bitterly. “No, he’s more wicked than her in some ways. She was born a monster, but he’s a human by nature. Yet he committed a considerable amount of evil deeds. He burned away everything that stood in his way...”

“I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!”

I really didn’t need to say much.

“Fuck! Hey! I’ll rip your...”

Monster Yoo Soo-Ha flooded the acacia forest with every curse in the world. The longer it went on, the paler the leaders’ faces got. In less than sixty seconds, Yoo Soo-Ha had threatened to kill me no less than fifteen different ways. It was amazing.

After another minute, his curse began to spread to the others.

“And who the fuck are you?! Hey, you! The lizard and the long-ears! What are you looking at? Do you have a death wish?!”

As a bonus, he came up with ten new ways to kill their parents and the rest of their family members.

“S-so ugly and corrupt...!” the lizardfolk wizard hissed, appalled. “I don’t even need to use the Soul Gem. He has the soul of a demon!”

“Indeed.” The elf ranger captain groaned. “I’ve lived for a long time and met many foolish humans... It’s been a while since I met such an irredeemable human...”

Oh, be happy, Yoo Soo-Ha. Your greatness is finally acknowledged even in a different world.

—Zombie, aren’t you disrespecting the dead? the Guardian asked.

I sure am.

—Isn’t this a little wrong?

Yoo Soo-Ha deserves it. Besides, Mr. Sword Emperor, you called me Zombie King. The Zombie King enslaved a zombie. What’s wrong with that?

—Hmm. You have a point. The logic is sound... The Guardian nodded to himself.

I know, right?

—You are indeed way more fucked up than me, Zombie.

That was just one man’s opinion.

I flicked my finger once again. “Dance.”

“W-what? What the fuck...” Yoo Soo-Ha began to tap dance as soon as I gave my command.

The quick, light sound of Yoo Soo-Ha’s heels against the blossom-covered road tickled the air. It looked like he had spent a great many hours in the clubs. His dancing was something else.

“No, wait. W-wait! What the fuc—”

“Show me a different dance.”

Yoo Soo-Ha began dancing jitterbug. I didn’t know if it was a good thing or not, but he was gifted at dancing. He had no problem dancing the hopak next.

“I’ll kill you!” Yoo Soo-Ha howled as he threw his body through the hopak. “I-I’ll kill you, you son of a bitch! You fucker! I—! I’ll—! I’ll really! I’ll fucking kill you no matter what it takes!”

Again, he was dancing the hopak. People who have seen the dance would know that the hopak made even the most vulgar and horrible curses not scary. Even if Hitler were to come back from death and start giving a speech, no one would take him seriously if he was dancing the hopak. That was the power of the hopak.

“F-fuck...! Fuck! Fuck...!”

Perhaps he also realized the power of the hopak and the fact that nothing he said would work. He kept on repeating “fuck” while his legs moved to the beat. It made for an awesome background.

I turned back to the paladin leader. “Are you still worried?”

The paladin leader gaped blankly.

“The demons will never disobey me, so don’t worry.”

The paladin leader slowly got on his knees. “Apostle of the goddess...” His voice quivered. “May I ask for your name...?”

Everyone in the army was looking at me. I let it wash over me and crossed my arms again.

“My name is Gong-Ja.”

The paladin leader bowed deeply. “I’ll do what you say, Sir Gong-Ja...!”

With that, the most persistent of the leaders gave in.

[Congratulations.]

I was glad to hear the voice again.

[The normal stage has been cleared.]

[The Hidden Quest The Hero of the Paused World has been completed!]

I also heard a voice that I wasn’t really glad to hear, the one that belonged to the dude who was rolling in the air and laughing.

—Y-you crazy motherfucker! What the fuck! You have to be the first person to complete a quest like this! I’m sure of it! Wowieee. Where did a wacko like you come from? Yeah, I have to hand it to you, Kim Gong-Ja!

Hand what to me?

—You’re... the light of all wackos!

That was just one man’s opinion.

1. Gong-Ja is talking about ????(三人成虎). It’s a four-letter idiom about how people begin to believe the rumor if many people talk about it. ☜