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There will be NO CHAPTER tomorrow (8/9 December depending what timezone you\'re in) because I\'m running a mass-release / Goodbye Forever event over at King of Beasts. If you aren\'t reading that book, go to linktr.ee/aimeelynn and jump into my facebook page and enter the daily draw--there\'s paperbacks of QUEEN coming up as prizes in the next few days!

*****

AARYN

Elreth gaped at him across the table and he met her shocked gaze evenly.

"You\'ve known about this… since you were twelve!"

He gave her a flat look. "I\'ve known about the disformed organizing—or at least, that they train and do things together—since I was twelve. But no, I didn\'t know about what they were training for or the humans or anything for several years. Not until I was old enough to be considered for the work myself. And even then…" he sighed. "They really are careful, Elreth. There wasn\'t ever a sense that we were training and growing to work against the Anima. Until I was let in a little deeper—something that doesn\'t happen for most disformed—I thought we were training to give ourselves better defense, more strength, for the times when others were prejudiced against us. I thought we were developing skills to help us be more successful at life. It wasn\'t until I was nineteen that I started to get a look behind the curtain a little. And even then… I didn\'t know all of this. I was as shocked as you when Gar laid all of that out tonight."

She nodded, but her face was still tight. "So what happened when you were nineteen?"

Aaryn gave a grim smile. "I tried to kiss you and you dodged it and I thought that was the end of any chance I had with you, and it broke my heart."

Elreth blinked. "What are you talking about?"

Aaryn sat back in his chair, the memory still bringing an ache to his chest, even now. "Remember that night we came back here after the feast—your parents were going to the Weeping Tree and you were all grossed out about it and asked me to come back to the house because Gar was annoying you, but when we got here he wasn\'t here and… and we sat on the couch, and I was a little drunk."

Elreth\'s mouth opened. "Oh, that night? But you didn\'t try to kiss me!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Surely you aren\'t still that oblivious, El?" he said quietly, half-amused, and half-hurt.

Elreth tipped her head, her eyes drifting as she played the memory over in her head. Then her eyes went wide. "You mean… that moment when you put your arm on the back of the couch, and I was laughing because you kept slurring your words?"

He nodded. "I\'d drunk too much that night because I\'d been trying to get the balls to kiss you and talk to you. But when I leaned in, you turned your head and laughed and pushed me back and went and made me Kaf."

Elreth\'s cheeks pinked. "I never realized. I\'m serious, Aaryn. I didn\'t know."

He shook his head. It was hard to believe she\'d been so dense about these things, but the proof was in the incredible night they\'d just had—and her utter confusion when he\'d raised this.

"God, I love you, El," he murmured.

She smiled. "I love you, too."

"But you are thick as two planks, sometimes."

Her mouth dropped open and he reached across the table to take her hand that was resting on the table, twining their fingers and letting his scent tell her how full of love he was for her. "The next day I was… aggressively sad," he said. "I thought you knew how I felt and you were being kind. I was embarrassed and freaked out and heartbroken and… it wasn\'t a good day."

She squeezed his fingers. "I\'m so sorry."

He shook his head. "You didn\'t know. But I think your mom guessed. Or at least, she knew something was up with me. I went to training that day, despite my hangover, and when I beat the crap out of one of the new trainees and our coach was tearing me a new asshole, she pulled me aside afterwards and asked if I\'d go with her to meet some people.

"I was sullen and full of self-pity and at first I said no. But you know how she can be."

Elreth snorted. "Yes, I do."

Aaryn grinned. "So she had me convinced that if I wanted to beat the crap out of someone, I\'d be allowed to do it without getting in trouble. And we went to a different clearing and there was maybe a dozen disformed there—males and females—and they were training. But with… with a purpose.

"They beat the crap out of me, instead of the other way around. But it was what I needed. I wanted to learn what they knew. So they started training me, then and there. And over the next few weeks, we got to know each other. They asked me a lot of questions that had nothing to do with fighting or defense. They were… training my mind. And my character. Holding me to a higher standard. Making me prove myself, even when things were tough. And things were really tough, El. I ached for you back then and I thought we\'d never… it would never… this would never happen. That burned for me. I had a lot of anger about my dad, and my mother—even though she was doing better back then. There was just a lot. And they helped me. They taught me how to control my temper. How to evaluate a situation—and myself. And they trained me in evasion."

"They were Protectors?"

He nodded. "I didn\'t know that. I just thought they were really skilled. But then they took me into a council one night and told me that they were choosing apprentices. That they had goals, desires to serve the Anima over time. And they needed to take younger Anima, find their strengths, and teach them and grow them. They invited me to be a part of that. And once I\'d proven that I was committed and could hold my tongue, they gave me a vow."

"A vow?" Elreth\'s face went hard.

He nodded. "I vowed to protect the disformed, not to share their secrets. I vowed to stay loyal to the crown. And I vowed to choose Anima—the safety and certainty of the Anima—over my own needs, always."

Elreth stared, waiting for the bad news. He squeezed her fingers again. "They taught me that no matter what I did, what role I played, no matter how important it was, that I was a servant to the greater good. That I served the crown and could not betray it. And that the needs of the people were greater than my personal needs. Always."

Elreth\'s shoulders rose and fell once, then she nodded. "That\'s… that\'s good." Then her forehead pressed into lines. "But, wait… if they were training you to be a Protector, how come you didn\'t know about all this?"

Aaryn shrugged.. "That\'s where things get complicated."